WHAT MADE ME GO MAD!
WHAT MADE ME GO MAD.
It was an early November morning in Dubai in 2013. The alarm clock rang. I pushed the snooze button and fell asleep again. The alarm clock rang again after 10 min. I hit the snooze button for a second time.
This time I did not fall asleep though. My brain started its daily toxic routine:
I HATE MY JOB.
My line manager does not see my value. My colleagues are not passionate about their work. I have to lower my intelligence; to play a role to fit into this weak-minded circus. It appears to me that this company even does not really care about its customers. Seriously, why am I doing this to myself?
All these thoughts were accompanied by a tremendous amount of anxiety and the fear of missing out. On life. If I died tomorrow, I would have wasted my life without making a difference; without living. Without being alive.
I got out of bed and looked into the mirror. Wow… hello, Zombie! I had unlearned, had forgotten how to smile. I genuinely disliked what I saw in the mirror. I felt exhausted, chronically tired, numb.
I KILLED THE PAIN
with a huge portion of socially accepted drugs (sugar and caffeine) and drove to work. The only thing that put a smile on my face back then was my way too expensive sports car, which I intentionally bought to bring some colour into my grey mornings. Pretty disturbing, isn’t it…?
Anyway, on that day I had an appraisal interview with my line manager. We would focus on questions like: How do I see my role in this company? What do I want to achieve next year? What are areas we can improve at?
To cut a long story short: All suggestions I made were labeled as too ambitious. I supposedly was not “technically erudite” to turn my ideas into reality. Instead of that I was asked to focus on tasks I did at the age of 20… that’s it.
I DECIDED TO CHANGE MY LIFE
Life is too short for being told what you can and cannot do. Life is too short for waking up with anxiety in the mornings. Life is too short for not expressing yourself and not making use of your full potential.
The ignorant behavior and limiting beliefs of the people I surrounded myself with back then made me go MAD. I decided to go on a one year sabbatical to learn about myself. To let go of external expectations. To develop a concept and life(style) that would make a difference. To my life and to the life of others.
So I did.